Essence Magazine: Where Nursing Is Normal

I don't have a subscription to Essence magazine, but when the August issue came out with the lovely Nia Long on the cover, my email box blew up from moms who were excited about the article.

If you didn't know, Long gave birth to a son, Kez Sunday Udoka, in November 2011. Shortly thereafter she sat down at a local LA eatery with writer dream hampton for the cover story. Within the first few paragraphs, hampton  writes,

The restaurant is down the hill from her home in the Hollywood Hills, and halfway through the meal she orders her dish again, this time for her 12-year-old son, Massai, who so enjoys his mom's quinoa leftovers that he's asked her to bring him his own plate. As she's placing his order, a tiny wet spot on her cotton tee begins to grow. She jumps up and says with a laugh, 'I'm leaking!' She grabs her huge designer bag in which a breastpump is buried and runs to the restroom to create a carryout for her other son, her newborn, Kez.

Nia discusses everything from her time in Hollywood, to her work with a home for homeless pregnant teens in Barbados to what it's like combining motherhood and being an actress. Towards the end of the piece, breastfeeding is mentioned again in a very matter-of-fact manner when Nia breastfeeds her baby on the couch during the interview.

Like my readers I was so thrilled to see that the breastfeeding and pumping wasn't mentioned because it was unusual, or the write found her strange for doing it in front of her. It didn't even warrant any comment, either positive or negative.  It was just mentioned as a normal part of the life of a new mom, who like most of us is working while raising and caring for her kids.

I had a couple of conversations about breastfeeding with dream on Twitter around the time that she would have been writing this article. Should I take this as a personal shout out?
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World Breastfeeding Week: Whenever, Wherever

Kudos to the state of Maine for creating a new kind of breastfeeding campaign. One of the things we always talk about in the lactation community is how breastfeeding needs to be supported, promoted and protected. We do a great job of promoting breastfeeding in our culture and are truly terrible at both supporting and protecting moms who breastfeed. The Whenever, Wherever campaign aims to help with the protection piece, by informing and encouraging local businesses on how to welcome nursing mothers.

Businesses who join the campaign become role models in the community. Becoming a member is as simple as displaying a decal in the window of your business that says "We welcome nursing moms, whenever wherever"; training employees that mothers are welcome to breastfeed and hanging an educational poster in a staff space like a break room; and welcoming nursing moms, and not tolerating any harassment of them while on the premises.

This reminds me of the awesome flyer that is prominently displayed in the Chicago Children's Museum, stating explicitly that nursing (and pumping!) moms are welcome and free to do what they need to do anywhere in the museum.

Look, this isn't rocket science. In December of 2009 I wrote a post where I laid out exactly how we could avoid women being harassed while nursing in public. It included the simple steps of a window cling, staff training and for places with the budget, a nursing room for moms who choose to use it.

I'm so thrilled to see that Maine is encouraging businesses to be proactive. How do we get this going in every state? Are any state breastfeeding coalitions working on anything similar?

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Monica & Brandy "Debate" Breastfeeding

I typically listen to the Rickey Smiley Morning Show on my way to work, but I missed an episode recently when R&B singers Monica and Brandy were in the studio and discussed nursing in public (shout out to my friend Kate for the heads up).

After listening to the short segment, I'm glad I didn't catch it while I was driving. The foolishness on that show can be hard to take on a good day, but two nursing moms being judgmental idiots about breastfeeding in public before my coffee fix? No, ma'am.

I'm not sure how the conversation got started, but in the clip, the first thing we hear is Brandy saying that she nursed her daughter Sy'rai until she was 13months old and "That's a little long...." She goes on to say that her friends thought she was crazy and Monica says, "Yeah, if you can walk and get your juice? You better walk and get that juice, honey!"

Sigh. Where do I even begin? Thirteen months is NOT, I repeat, NOT a long time to breastfeed. A thirteen-month-old is very much still a baby in every sense of the word. And it is worth noting that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that mothers nurse for a minimum of 12 months, and as long as mutually desired thereafter. Of course 13 months doesn't even come close to the recommended two years of breastfeeding per the World Health Organization. If Brandy breastfed for 13 months, she did so for only a few weeks longer than the bare minimum recommended amount of time. And please believe that that's not to put down any mom who doesn't make it that long for any variety of completely valid reasons. I just can't believe that we're supposed to think that just over a year of breastfeeding is "too long."

And should we break down that "walking and getting your juice" comment? Because it's tired. These arbitrary timeframes for when it's no longer appropriate to nurse a baby or toddler? I'm over it. Whether it's walking or talking or teeth....it's all bullshit. Nurse your child for as long as you want to! My son walked at 8 months. Should I have told him, "No, you can't have the best source of vitamins, proteins and fat available to you when you're hungry...please go grab a glass of juice instead." He also had teeth at 10 months, so I guess since he was such a "big boy" at that age, the only logical thing to do would have been....to give him a bottle. I mean, does this make ANY SENSE?

The rest of the audio, posted below, gets worse as they then discuss nursing in public. We're supposed to believe that they're on different sides, with Monica stating she would never nurse in a public place, while Brandy saying it's just fine as long as you use a cover. We're supposed to think Brandy is this earthy, crunchy weirdo because she put a blanket or nursing cover over her baby's head to completely cover herself while Monica is a respectable modern mom because she would leave and go hide in the car.

They're both assholes.

Hear me out. I know plenty of wonderful, breastfeeding (and formula feeding) moms who are lactivists and fully support a mom's right to nurse her baby in public, whenever, wherever, however, who personally use covers for their own comfort. I wish that we lived in a world where moms didn't need to be embarrassed to nurse in public, but I know we're not there yet. Those moms say it's not for them, but they are making decisions based on their own comfort levels, not on anyone else's, and want you to be able to do the same. Brandy and Monica are not those moms. Requiring a mom to cover up to appease your own discomfort with her breastfeeding is not support. Requiring a mom to leave a picnic in the park with her family to breastfeed her baby in the car is not support. If you say you support breastfeeding and add a disclaimer about privacy or covers or pumped milk in a bottle? You don't support breastfeeding.

I'm so tired of women holding themselves up as model breastfeeders because they do the "decent" thing and cover up or hide when they need to feed their babies. I'm so sick of celebrities, particularly black women, who could be fantastic role models for breastfeeding blowing it over and over. I'm so over folks acting like how or when a woman breastfeeds her baby is an actual question that is up for debate. It's your legal right to breastfeed your baby in public. At what other time do we slap up polls on websites and TV shows and discuss whether or not people should do something they already have the right to do?

I'm done with the nonsnse. Thankfully we won't have to hear much more debating from these two since they couldn't even get along long enough to go on their scheduled tour. I can't say I'm disappointed.


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Beyonce, Blue, Breastfeeding & Blacktating

Did you hear the good news? It seems Beyonce is indeed breastfeeding her newborn baby girl, Blue. A waiter tipped off celebrity magazine US Weekly that Beyonce nursed her baby while out to lunch with hubby Jay-Z. What started off as a blurb on a website for celeb gossip has taken the world by storm.

First there was the awful post on Hollyscoop, likening breastfeeding in public to being milked like a cow and slinging snot at the table. Of course the words "whipping them out" also appeared. For the first time in the history of the Internet, the comments on a breastfeeding in public post were full of win. Moms descended on the post, letting the author know that nursing at a restaurant is natural, legal and of course perfectly appropriate. The smackdown was so harsh the author eventually edited out the most offensive parts of the piece.

By the next day the story had been picked up by ABC News, who quoted veteran breastfeeding experts Drs. Ruth Lawrence and Alison Stuebe. There was even a quote from breastfeeding advocate Emma Kwasnica who you may know for spearheading the movement to get Facebook to stop deleting images of women breastfeeding their babies. Although I was thrilled with such mainstream coverage of Beyonce nursing in public, I was more than a bit confused as to why ABC decided to interview these three women.

Let's see, the hugest celebrity on the planet, who happens to be black, is breastfeeding in public and we interview three white women, one of whom isn't even American, and don't mention race. Color me confused.

So as I am apt to do, I took to Twitter to vent.

Shortly thereafter, Kimberly Sears Allers of Mochamanual.com, published a piece on the same topic. In her post, Dear White Women: Beyonce is OUR Breastfeeding Moment. Please Step Aside she writes,

Meanwhile, with all the news reports about Beyonce, and all the breastfeeding “advocates” talking about its impact on the nursing world, not one advocate mentioned the particular significance to black women–which is so striking since many claim to be interested in our breastfeeding plight.

Shame on you.

The "shame" didn't stop there. Not only did many breastfeeding advocates insist that Beyonce breastfeeding in public was just as much their moment as ours (it's not) they also allowed their fans to post offensive, borderline racist screed on their Facebook pages. Instead of our "allies" rushing to our defense, I was told it was my job to educate the ignorant (it's not) and that my time would be better spent defending the WHO Code instead of criticizing the breastfeeding community for not putting their money where their mouth is when it comes to conversations on race. You can imagine how well that went over.

Kimberly said there was no mainstream press that reached out to an African-American women for her perspective, but that's not true. Both Time and USA Today's writers quoted me for their pieces on Beyonce breastfeeding Blue Ivy (my words even made their way in the March 19, 2012 print edition of Time). Both writers underscored how huge this is for the black community because of our lower initiation rates, and the level of Beyonce's celebrity. This is way bigger than even Angelina Jolie actually breastfeeding on the cover of W magazine and we don't even have proof, photographic or otherwise, that it even happened!

There is no way to deny that Beyonce breastfeeding hasn't had a huge impact. There was an hours-long conversation on black Twitter about breastfeeding in public after these headlines. Yet I cannot tell you how many white advocates insist that it isn't a big deal, or at least shouldn't be. Strangely enough, whenever I see posts about other celebrities who are breastfeeding and are, let's face it, downright D list, I've seen nothing but praise. Even posts about Jenna Elfman haven't elicited any anti-Xenu snark, for God's sake. Yet it's all eye-rolls and move along, nothing to see here's when BEYONCE breastfeeds in a restaurant? Excuse me if I can't help but think that race is playing a part in the attitudes and responses from moms I've seen online.

Still, I'm thrilled. The past few weeks have been amazing for breastfeeding and I give Beyonce all the credit. This story got picked up in major black interest publications from The Grio to Vibe and Essence magazine. The comments that I saw on those pieces were so positive and encouraging. It was so wonderful to see our community rallying around our girl, and to hear from black moms about how much they loved breastfeeding their babies.

This week really showed black lactivists what this community thinks of us and the work we're doing. Because believe me, these folks are quick to trot out the the statistics on how low our breastfeeding rates our. If Beyonce had mixed a bottle of formula at that table, everyone would have come out of the woodwork to say how sad it was, but not surprising since she is black and this is a problem for us. But when she breastfeeds we aren't supposed to celebrate this as our moment?

Right.

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Eric Benet: Lactivist

Eric Benet recently tweeted this beautiful image of his wife breastfeeding their newborn daughter, Lucia. The caption is "Lucia says 'peace!' for the first time!"

© Eric Benet

What a sweet baby. Mine tend to give me the finger.


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Breastfeeding in a Healthcare Setting

In the moments after my daughter was born, when I was blissed out on finally being able to hold my newborn skin-to-skin, my mother-in-law pointed out that she had "something" on her ear. Because Aminah was lying on my chest I couldn't see anything but my midwife looked over and said, "Oh yeah, she has a little skin tag on  her ear. Usually they say something on the ear can signify an issue with the kidneys because they develop at the same time in utero. It's probably nothing but your pediatrician may want to run some tests." Yeah, not exactly what you want to hear literally three minutes after giving birth. My midwife was right, though. At our first visit my pediatrician noticed the tag right away and wrote me a script for a renal ultrasound. She said she didn't think anything was wrong with her kidneys but she preferred to err on the side of caution.

Unfortunately the ultrasound showed there was slight hydronephrosis, or swelling in the kidney, on the right side. My pediatrician gave me a referral to see a pediatric nephrologist, a doctor who specializes in kidneys. He recommended repeating the test at the hospital he is affiliated with since it had been four weeks since the first ultrasound, so I made yet another appointment to take my baby to the hospital.

The tech who performed the ultrasound was AMAZING. The first thing she did when we got in the room was apologize for the wait because they try to expedite the pediatric patients. I asked her if I should strip Aminah down to her diaper, as I'd done at the first ultrasound at the other hospital and she said no. Aminah was sleeping peacefully and it was cold in there so I just removed her pants. The tech even used warm gel so as not to jar the baby. Even with being very gentle, Aminah did wake up because the tech had to press on her belly to take pictures of her bladder. Aminah started to fuss and the tech turned to me and said, "Go ahead and breastfeed her, it'll help keep her nice and calm during the exam."

RECORD SCRATCH. Now, I've been a mom for four years and have taken my kids to the doctor a million times for various procedures and never has a healthcare provider suggested I nurse to keep my baby calm during an exam or shot or anything. Sure, I nurse openly in my peditrician's waiting room or in the exam room while we talk, but during exams or procedures? Never. In fact, a nurse at my pediatrician's office yelled at me for breastfeeding Miles before his first vaccine because he would cry after the shot and then throw up, didn't I know that? So I'm embarrassed to say I've never done it, even when I've thought about it and wanted to.

I didn't just love that this woman encouraged me to nurse, but that she also didn't ask if I was breastfeeding, she just assumed that I was. As many black women will tell you, people typically assume we're not breastfeeding or don't want to breastfeed. So to be recognized as a breastfeeding mom was HUGE.

Afterwards the tech told me Aminah was a great patient because sometimes even at the breast some babies just hate the wand and are super fussy. I thanked her for being so great and made a mental note to write her supervisor and let her know how awesome she was.

The good news is Aminah is just fine and whatever was going on with her kidney resolved on its own. Her second ultrasound showed two perfect kidneys.

But I'm curious to hear from you......what have your experiences been breastfeeding your babies in a healthcare setting?

The culprit behind all this drama!

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Breastfeeding Is Normal, Any Time, Anywhere

I'm loving this new breastfeeding campaign, Breastfeeding Is Normal, Any Time, Anywhere. A group of moms in Florida got together with photographer Nicole Gillette to photograph nursing in public throughout the West Central area of the state (they will be launching a Kickstarter page soon to fund more shoots in other areas). The goal is to create a display to normalize nursing in public that will be exhibited at the Museum of Science & Industry in Tampa by the end of the year.

Of course I am a sucker (bad pun?) for pictures of breastfeeding, but I love these! Kudos to these moms for using a diverse group of women who were all shapes and sizes and colors feeding babies of all ages, in public, without covers. I can't wait to see more photos from this collection. And if you guys head to Ft. Lauderdale, call me!

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Nursing in Public BINGO

Every day when I check my Google alerts, I find a story about a mom who has been harassed for nursing in public. Moms are being kicked off buses, asked to leave women's only gyms, Whole Foods, public pools and parks, all because they are simply trying to feed their babies. Rule No. 1 of checking out an article about breastfeeding online is "Never read the comments." But as I am a glutton for punishment, I typically do. So this BINGO card is made up of actual comments I've read over the last few days on various stories about breastfeeding in public.

(click to enlarge)

So did I miss anything? What other ridiculous comments have you heard about breastfeeding in public? Anything you'd add to my free space?


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Not a public thing to do?

Just a few minutes ago, I was getting my daily dose of D-list celebrity/reality TV gossip by reading one of my favorite blogs, Reality Tea. I'm woefully behind on my Google Reader because of a crazy hectic week at work so I'm a bit late to reading about the drama on the set of a commercial shoot for Bravo TV. Apparently Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi was "mean" to some of the Housewives chicks and didn't pay any attention to them during the shoot. Mostly I'd laugh at this and move on, but a comment from Padma's co-host Gail Simmons caught my eye.

Gail was asked her take on the snubbing by the NY Post and had this to say:

“We didn’t know a lot of the women [who were there]. It’s not like we work together on a regular basis. I met a lot of people on the set for the first time. It’s not like we’re holding hands and singing ‘Kumbaya.’” Gail added, “I don’t think I spoke to most people, either. You are there to do a job. She [Padma] was with her child. I would think that anyone could understand that, and she’s still nursing, which is also not a public thing to do. What’s there to complain about? It’s not high school. We’re all professionals.”

It's not high school and everyone is a professional but yet the idea that one might nurse her child in public, or even while at work, can't be fathomed. Why is nursing not a public thing to do? While I am thrilled that Padma is still breastfeeding her daughter Krishna (who is 14 months old) why is this something that needs to be hidden? Are Gail's views skewed because she's not yet a mother? Is Padma more cautious because she doesn't want photos of her nursing to be made public? Seems doubtful as she is a formal model who has posed nude.  I can't answer those questions but I also couldn't help but roll my eyes at the quote.

We've still got a lot of work to do, especially when it comes to Bravolebrities.



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New Advocacy Group Forms to Protect Nursing in Public

Here is a clip from a breastfeeding advocate, featured on a local morning show, talking about a mother's right to nurse in public. (if you're reading this in a feed reader, you may have to click to the post to see the embedded video).




Advocacy Group: Mothers Have Right To Expose Milk-Engorged Breasts In Public

OK, fine, this clip is from the funny folks at The Onion. But it appears they used a real breastfeeding mom, I swear I saw actual milk being expressed at the end there! So what do you think, funny or did they take it too far?


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Nursing Is Normal!

I found two cool local campaigns aimed at normalizing breastfeeding on YouTube the other day. The first is from the "Nursing Is Normal In Charlotte Project" and features photographs of women nursing in public, interspersed with some great quotes about breastfeeding.



A similar project was started in Madison, WI and their video can be seen here.



Love, love, love this idea and it seems like the type of project that a group of like-minded moms could put together easily. I know that a lot of you that read the blog are members of LLL and WIC volunteers. I think this would be an excellent idea to bring up with at your next meeting. I'd love to see all 50 states represented in similar videos. And if you know of other any cities or groups that have participated in the Nursing Is Normal Project, please let me know!


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Wendy Williams asks: Do you think it's OK to breastfeed in public?

Thanks to Teefee for pointing out Wendy Williams' status update on Twitter on Tuesday.

I was nervous about clicking the link, but this is the video it led me to. In it, Wendy discusses the recent harassment of Mary Martinez (she mistakenly refers to her as "Mary Hernandez") in a Detroit area Target. Take a look.




I was so happy that Wendy didn't say she had a problem with public breastfeeding, but I am still more than a little bit annoyed at the idea that women are purposefully going around trying to flash their boobs at strangers while nursing their babies. I have yet to see a breastfeeding mom who didn't try to be discreet (and just because you don't use a blanket or one of those ridiculous aprons doesn't mean you aren't trying to be discreet). The thing is, babies aren't discreet. When your kid needs and wants to eat, you have to feed him! Particularly a four-week old!

So while I'm slightly disappointed by this response, it doesn't really surprise me. What did surprise me, however, was this black woman in the audience proudly announcing she nursed her youngest until age 4!

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Michigan Moms: Your Support For Breastfeeding in Public Needed Now!

I was contacted this morning by the Black Mothers Breastfeeding Association (BMBFA), which has just learned that the house bill HB 5515 concerning the rights of breastfeeding women in Michigan could come to the floor as early as the end of this week. At this point in the process there are no more witnesses or written testimonies submitted and it is only the Representatives themselves who will speak.

What can you do? Kiddada Ramey, Founder and President of BMBFA has some suggestions. Contact your own Representatives to ask them to support this bill. If they have a large outpouring of support for the bill from people in their district it stands to reason they might be persuaded to vote in favor. This is especially important for those representatives who might have misgivings or are negative about passing the bill. If this passes it will hopefully go into a public hearing in the Senate and we will then, again, need to testify and be present for support.

PROTECT MICHIGAN'S MOTHERS RIGHT TO BREASTFEED IN PUBLIC!

Please take a few minutes to write to your representative if you live in Michigan. You can use the district map on this page to find your Representative and his or her contact information.

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Here We Go Again....

Breastfeeding has been in the news a lot lately and unfortunately, not much of the news has been positive. First, there was the tragic story of a woman whose baby died of unknown causes while she held her on a transatlantic flight. The headline from the Daily Mail read, “Tragedy as breastfeeding mother smothers baby after falling asleep on jet.”

Now, the autopsy results were not even in and police were calling the baby’s death “unexplained,” yet the headline is clearly blaming the mother and for some reason breastfeeding as well. If this mother fell asleep while nursing her baby on a flight and smothered her, what does breastfeeding really have to do with it? If the baby was smothered, that could have happened whether the mother was bottle feeding or even just holding the baby at a bad angle.

In addition, there are some elements of the story that make me very uncomfortable, including the fact that this was the second time this woman has a lost a newborn baby under similar circumstances. Still, the take away from this is that breastfeeding was not to blame in this baby’s death.

More recently, a woman was kicked out of a Target near Detroit for breastfeeding her four-week-old baby. Mary Martinez was nursing her baby in the electronics section when a security guard asked her to stop or leave and told her that breastfeeding in public is illegal. Breastfeeding in public is not illegal in Michigan, although there is currently no law protecting a woman who is asked to leave by an establishment because she's nursing.

Ms. Martinez’s husband, who is a police officer, was with her and informed the security guard that his wife was not breaking any laws. Unfortunately, the exchange escalated and Target employees ended up calling the police. The lame statement Target released said in part that police were called to “ensure the safety of other guests” and that Target supports breastfeeding mothers who are “nursing discreetly” in their stores.

Honestly, when will it stop? When will mothers no longer have to fear being harassed for simply feeding their children? When will corporations, airlines, restaurants and malls create official written policies to protect breastfeeding mothers? I am tired of hearing about moms being asked to leave community pools, department stores, airplanes and parks for breastfeeding. I am tired of the stupid caveat that moms must be "discreet." That is not supporting breastfeeding mothers.

Why is it that the Chicago Children’s Museum can get this right and no one else can? If you need a reminder, Target, this is how you do it.

It’s simple, really. You invest in some window clings or other signs featuring the international symbol for breastfeeding that state “Breastfeeding is welcome here.” Then you create a policy and put it in your employee handbook. When you have orientation with your new hires, you explain the policy to them. You train your managers and security guards on how to handle the occasional complaints from customers that will be inevitable until breastfeeding in public is considered normal. If you want to go above and beyond, you might even create a nursing mother’s room for those moms who like a little privacy or a comfortable chair to nurse in. That’s it. See how easy that was? This is not the first time I am giving you this information for free. Please use it. You’re welcome.

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Photo of the Day: Health Care Reform

I saw this picture posted on Jezebel yesterday. The photo features supporters of health care reform attending a candle light vigil in Denver, CO. Is it just me, or does the woman in front look like she's about to nurse her baby? There is something in the way she's looking at her and holding her that makes me think yes. Or do I just see breastfeeding everywhere because it's what I want to see?

Photo by John Moore/Getty Images

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For Moms, By Mom: Simply Necessary

Have you heard of the Go! Pillow by Simply Necessary? It's a breastfeeding pillow that is meant to be used on-the-go and can be used through toddlerhood! It has a built-in nursing cover, can be used as a blanket, a head rest, a changing pad, a sunshade and more.

This product has received great reviews on Gruntlings and Mom Central. Check out the video below for a demo and interview with the mom who created the Go! Pillow, Tangela Walker-Craft.




I love supporting moms who have created their own businesses, particularly when they aim to promote and support breastfeeding. Want a Go! Pillow of your own? You can buy one here for $29.95.

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Thank You for Nursing in Public

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers! Here is my contribution to the June Carnival, Nursing in Public.

When was the last time you saw a woman breastfeeding in public? When was the last time you saw a woman feeding a baby in public with a bottle? Do you find yourself wondering, whenever you see a woman with a baby, "If she breastfeeding?" Are you a bit let down when you notice the formula in the shopping cart or the prepared bottle sitting in the stroller cup holder? Do you wonder if that mom is a breastfeeding mom, too, just not in public? Is she scared, embarrassed, ashamed to nurse in public?

Do you nurse in public? If you do, I thank you. Every time you nurse in public you help to normalize breastfeeding. Every time you nurse in public, you remind people that not everyone chooses formula. Every time you nurse in public, you have the potential to encourage another woman to breastfeed. Every time you nurse in public, you might convince a mom that she doesn't have to pump or feed her baby formula when out and about. Maybe your nursing in public will let a mama know she doesn't need to retreat to the bathroom/backseat of the car/back bedroom/nursing mother's room. Simply by breastfeeding your baby in public, you are standing up for yourself, your baby and nursing mother's everywhere. Thank you.

Want to thank a woman for nursing in public? Download this "Thank You for Nursing in Public" Card created by Amanda at Kind Over Matter.

Check out the other wonderful Carnival participants listed below.
Lucy & Ethel Have a Baby: Nursing In Public (Boobs) Out and Proud
Chronicles of A Nursing Mom: Why Worry About NIP?
PhD in Parenting: Would You, Could You Nurse in Public?
Dirty Diaper Laundry: Breastfeeding in Public Talent - I Haz It
Kim through the Looking Glass: Here? At the Restaurant?
GrudgeMom: Nursing in a Room Full of People You Know
MumUnplugged: Aww, Is He Sleeping?
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Nursing in Public: Chinatown, the Subway, the Vatican, and More
Mother Mary’s Soapbox: Breastfeeding My Newborn in Public
Tiny Grass: Nursing in Public as an Immigrant
Breastfeeding 1-2-3: To Cover or Not to Cover
Mommy News and Views: Tips for Nursing in Public
Stork Stories: Little Old Men...& Nursing in PublicWarm Hearts Happy Family: Breastfeeding and the Summertime
Musings on Mamahood: NIP, No Tuck
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: Get Kicked Off A Bus for Nursing? Here's How to Respond
babyReady: A Wee Nip in the Park!
Mama Knows Breast: Products That Can Help You Breastfeed in Public
Tales of Life With A Girl on the Go: Planes, Trains & Automobiles...We've Breastfed In Them All
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Nursing in Public: A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-Ins
Never A Dull Moment: Breastfeeding Hats? Yes! Covers? Not So Much....
Breastfeeding Mums Blog: Nursing in Public --What's A Breastfeeding Mother to Do?
Hobo Mama: Easy, Discreet Way to Breastfeed A Toddler in Public




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This Is How You Do It

Like many businesses, the Chicago Children's Museum caters to kids and by extension, women and families. Unlike most businesses, they've taken a proactive stance to show their support of breastfeeding and the women who choose to nurse their babies. When you go to the Chicago Children's Museum you don't have to worry about an ignorant staffer harassing you if you have to nurse your baby. You don't have to wonder if there's a space for nursing moms if you prefer some privacy. Why? Because this sign is posted throughout the museum.



It is the international symbol for breastfeeding and the text below the picture reads "Please feel free to breastfeed or pump anywhere in this museum. If you would like some privacy, we do have a caregiver center, located in KidsTown on the 3rd floor."

I don't think I've ever seen anything like this and I have to give major props to the museum for being so welcoming to breastfeeding mothers. I know many of you who read this blog will be attending the BlogHer Conference in Chicago in July and bringing your kids with you. If you do, I hope you visit the museum and support them with your dollars. You can also send them a tweet of thanks. We're planning on visiting some family in the Windy City this summer and we'll definitely be stopping at the Chicago Children's Museum!


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May Carnival of Breastfeeding: Nursing in Public

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers, to the May Carnival! This month's theme was "share a story." Be sure to check out the other contributing bloggers' posts, linked at the bottom of this post.


The first time I had to nurse in public was when I took my son to the pediatrician for his first check-up. He was less than a week old and I remember how hard it seemed to get out of the house that day. I was sore and tired and looked as bad as I felt. I had squeezed into some maternity pants and a too-tight pre-pregnancy shirt. I was wearing a nursing bra, but other than that, was wholely unprepared to nurse in public.
As soon as we got into the waiting room and signed in and got settled, my son started crying. I felt that familiar pins and needles sensation in my breasts as my milk let down. I didn't want to nurse him. Couldn't he just wait a few minutes, until we were called into our own room? Some place with at least a bit of privacy?
But of course, no, he couldn't wait. I fumbled with my shirt and bra (realizing too late that my horrible choice in clothing left my tummy exposed to the world, not to mention my breasts) and latched him on. He nursed away happily while my heart palpitated and I turned red hot with embarrassment. Luckily for me, this was a safe space. I mean, if there is anywhere in the world where you shouldn't fear being harrassed for nursing in public, it's a pediatrician's office. Although the waiting room was full, no one batted an eyelash about me nursing my son. However, the experience left me feeling really uneasy about nursing in public.

I found myself avoiding having to nurse my baby in public. If we went to the store, I would nurse him in the car when we arrived, in the hopes that I would be able to hold him over until we were done shopping. If we were our and about and he needed to nurse, I would retreat to the car, rather than just feed him when he needed to be fed. I knew this was not the kind of mom I wanted to be and I had to get over it but I wasn't sure how.

Of course the day came when I was was in Target and the baby got hungry. I was wearing him in a sling, but had not yet mastered nursing him in it. I had a cart full of stuff and it was raining outside and I had no alternative. I was alone and starting to get nervous, but I knew I had to do what I had to do. So I sat down in the shoe department to nurse my baby. A couple of minutes into nursing him, a German woman came and approached me and started talking to me. She told me how great it was that I was breastfeeding and how strange it was for her that so many people in America have hang-ups about nursing and nursing in public. She talked to me about her kids, how she breastfed them all over the place in Europe and how wonderful nursing was. She totally put me at ease and we had a nice chat. I was craving some adult conversation after being home with my baby for almost 3 months. We talked about motherhood and she told me about her own daughter, who was pregnant and how excited she was to have a grandbaby. She was at Target shopping for gifts for the new baby.

I always try to remember how she made me feel that day. At that moment, when I was alone and anxious, she held the power to ruin or make my day. Afer that day, I stopped assuming that people would think my nursing in public was gross or inconsiderate, and believed they were supportive. I went on to nurse my son in public anywhere and everywhere with confidence. The one time I was asked to cover up or leave, I was able to defend myself and my baby calmly, and continue to nurse because I knew I was legally protected and was strong enough to stand my ground. I know not every mom, especially in the beginning, is capable of that strength in a scary and upsetting situation.

So when I see a mom nursing in public, I wonder if she feels the way I did that day in Target, nervous that someone might say something to her, that she will be asked to cover up, or worse, to leave. I always at least give her a little wink or smile to show my support. Sometimes I will strike up a conversation with her and tell her how wonderful I think it is that she is breastfeeding. I hope I can make the difference for one mom that that nice German woman made for me.


Check out the rest of this month's wonderful breastfeeding stories.

Strocel: The story of Hannah's weaning
Laura's blog: Weaning a toddler
Off the Spaceship: Life, Death and Nourishment
So Fawned: Sticking With It
Mommy News: How Breastfeeding Changed My Life
All that Sazz: Flying Breast Milk
Baby Carriers Down Under: Kandy's Story
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Ben's Story
Breastfeeding 1-2-3: The "I Told You So"
Chronicles of A Nursing Mom: Breastfeeding Is Not Easy, But Best for Baby Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One's Future Breastfeeding Practices?
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: They Said The Latch Was Fine
Breastfeeding Mums: Breastfeeding Made Me The Mum I Am
GrudgeMom: Breastfeeding Failures & Successes
Zen Mommy: Celebrating My Chest, In Honor of Breastfeeding
The Towells: Breastfeeding After Reduction



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How Do I Act Around A Breastfeeding Mom?

I was reading through the UK's Guardian website and saw this question in the "Dear Lucy" advice column.

What is the etiquette for a man when a female friend starts to breast-feed her baby in front of him? Do you look away but continue talking? Do you look her directly in the eyes - and nowhere else? Do you share the moment with her by looking down at her baby whenever she does so? Or should you just make your excuses and leave the room?

I braced myself for Lucy's answer. I thought she used humor nicely to discuss how this is a tricky area in modern life and how of course it's possible for men to talk with a female friend while she nurses, but it may be better to just get it over with and have a look at her boob so everyone can move on. Although she has a messed up way of describing it ("once you see a child chowing down on a purple-veined udder while its mother goes cross-eyed in agony, the spell will be broken and you'll never want to look again"), I think for most of us, once we see a woman breastfeeding for the first time, we realize it's not that big of a deal. Is it gross? No. Do women have udders? Indeed, we do not. If most women go cross-eyed during nursing it is not because they are in agony, but because that oxytocin is a helluva drug! But I think some people really do need to see nursing up close and personal, to really have a look and realize, "Oh, is that all? Move along people, nothing to see here."

So how should you act around a breastfeeding mom? Continue to talk to her the same way you would if she wasn't breastfeeding. Feel free to look at both the mom and the baby. If a breastfeeding mother is comfortable nursing in front of you, respect that she thinks you're enough of a grown up to handle it. If she wants to cover up, that is her choice, but don't ask her to. If she offers to leave the room, please tell her she doesn't have to. If you find that you're so uncomfortable being in the room with a breastfeeding mom, then excuse yourself, but don't expect a new mother to move to another room on your account. If she's visiting you in your home, don't offer her the back bedroom as a place to nurse. I can remember people doing this to me and it made me feel like an outcast. I didn't want to be relegated to a back room, I wanted to stay and enjoy the party! You may think you are being nice by offering a private space, but many moms don't want to be alone for 20-40 minutes nursing a baby when they could be having
some adult conversation with friends. If a new mom has prettied herself up and made it out of the house, let her enjoy the company! Follow her lead and she'll let you know what would make her the most comfortable. After all the indignities that come with having a baby, she probably won't mind if you catch a peek of boob. But for the love of all that is holy, don't look at her stomach.




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