Photo by ItsmybinkyI never used a pacifier with my son. I was one of those moms who was totally against using it from day one. From all the books I had read and through speaking with the Lactation Consultant at the hospital, it seemed detrimental to breastfeeding to introduce a pacifier (or any artificial nipple) before 4-6 weeks. By that time, my son and I had an established breastfeeding relationship and to give him a pacifier seemed counterintuitive. When he needed to eat, he had me. When he needed comforting, I was there. I felt, and still feel, that a pacifier would have hindered my ability to interpret and respond to my son's needs effectively. Besides, pacifiers cause a host of problems. Early introduction of pacifiers has been linked to shorter duration of breastfeeding. Pacifiers can affect teeth alignment. A new study has shown that pacifiers (along with bottles and finger sucking) cause speech problems. There also appears to be a link between pacifier use and frequency of ear infections.
So why do so many people give their baby a pacifier? I know that some babies do need pacifiers, like preemies and those in the NICU. But healthy full-term babies? Why is it that when a baby needs to be comforted, instead of bringing him to our breast, we reach for a piece of plastic? Are they just a part of our culture and deemed a necessity, like cribs and strollers (which many moms eschew as well)? I think that plays a role in it, but I also think many women fear "being used as a pacifier" by their babies. We are told again and again by friends and family not to nurse on demand because you "don't want the baby to use you as a pacifier!" But the thing is you are not a pacifier.
Whenever I hear a mom being admonished for nursing her baby on cue, allowing her baby to fall asleep at the breast, or letting a baby comfort nurse, I am brought back to this wonderful quote by Paula Yount.
"You are not a pacifier; you are a Mom. You are the sun, the moon, the earth, you are liquid love, you are warmth, you are security, you are comfort in the very deepest aspect of the meaning of comfort.... but you are not a pacifier!"
That statement really sums it up for me. I think it's important to remember that you can never nurse too often, although you can nurse too little and cause problems. There is no shame in responding to your baby's needs. In fact, I think it's what gave me such confidence as a new, first-time mom, so much so that people would often comment on how self-assured I seemed.
What do you think? Am I unfairly villifying the pacifier? Are they a useful tool or just another accessory pushed on us as a necessary part of modern parenting that hurts more than it helps?
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21 comments:
Sometimes they help, breatfeeding or not!
My first never took a pacifier. She would fall asleep Ok at daycare without a pacifier until she learned to control her hands, at which point she started to suck her thumb to fall asleep. (she continues to suck her thumb 6 years later!)
My second wants to suck to fall asleep, but sometimes gets mad when she gets milk and is not hungry! Sure I can and do offer my finger, but it is awkward to hold her in the hug hold she prefers and still be comfortable. Poor thing would oftentimes get jabbed with my fingernail.
She also screams in the car (my first loved the car) and will now be going to daycare where she cannot nurse to sleep. She finally took a pacifier at 2 1/2 months and she now falls asleep without crying, I can go to the store or mom and baby yoga, or the lactation support group without her screaming in the backseat. I feel better about her starting daycare as a 3 +month old on Monday. I know she won't be screaming because she doesn't have mommy to nurse her to sleep.
Now when I'm home, and if she wants to nurse then I do so. If she nurses and gets mad because she's getting milk, then I offer the paci. Otherwise I don't. So if we lived in a traditional society with no cars and no daycare-OK so I probably wouldn't really need a pacifier. But it really helps in my reality, at least until she can control her hands and suck her thumb!
So, I am the exception, rather than the rule. My daughter wouldn't latch without a nipple shield (which I used when I nursed her for 18 months) and we tried every bottle known to man before we found one that would work, (I work full time) which we initially fooled her in to taking using a similarly shaped pacifier. However, she's always had weird oral issues and we were prepared for what we dealt with taking it away (I haven't slept in two weeks).
I do think that some people don't put the thought into what they are doing, just doing it "because it is what you do". We definitely thought long and hard, but we ran out of options as I was ready to return to work (we didn't try it until close to 10 weeks old). I wish it hadn't been what worked, but I feel pretty confident that I would have had issues with her sucking no mater what I did.
Like everything else, I don't think it would be such an issue if people were educated about it. That includes being willing to learn.
I haven't used one this time, but I've been a little tempted. It's not that I don't want to comfort my daughter myself. First of all, there have been times when she wanted to comfort nurse, but milk just wouldn't stop coming out. She pulls back from the breast, sometimes bites a little, and cries, because there's no way I can turn my boob off when she's full! Also, she's a light sleeper and sometimes I think the only thing standing between her and sleep is something to suck on. I'll pop her off the breast (after she is done eating and is asleep; on the occasions when she has successfully comfort nursed) and she'll immediately wake up.
I haven't caved, though, because these problems are getting better and it's important to me not to give a paci. I want to avoid thrush, ward off ovulation, and not have to worry about taking the thing away from her when she's older. Also, I'm afraid if she were sucking on a paci she might go hungry for a little while before I realized it, and perhaps my milk supply would suffer. Honestly it's probably been easier NOT having one. I never have to worry about taking a clean one everywhere we go, dropping it on the dirty floor, etc. Not allowing a paci in the baby's mouth is bound to keep germs out, too.
We gave one to my first daughter and I don't know how much it really helped. We did end up with nipple confusion and a low supply which can be partly attributed to it, so this time we are (mostly) happy without the paci.
I had decided not to use a pacifier with my daughter. Then, as Jenny said, we realized that once she was asleep after nursing, she needed something in her mouth to stay asleep. So for 2 months, it was our fingers -- I was determined that we still would not give her a pacifier until she was 2 months. At 2 months, we gave her one, but she didn't take to it. We tried again a month later, and she's been a binky-sucker ever since! (She's nearly 6 months now.)
I don't think it has interfered with breastfeeding or with my ability to read her cues. I stay at home, and she feeds on demand 24/7. I haven't had supply issues, and I'm still not menstruating. So I figure all's fair in love and binky use. :-)
When she hits a year, they will all "mysteriously" disappear from the house. I figure after that the risk for her teeth and speech is greater (did I read that somewhere?).
It's kind of a backasswards thing, when you think about it. Create a substitute for the breast, and then chastize the breast owner for supposedly acting like the substitute. Bizarre, really.
(I do think they, like ANY tool can be used appropriately. There can even be some situations where they are therapeutic, such as when re-training a formerly tongue-tied baby after a clipping, and such.)
I am loving the impassioned responses here, and I am learning, too. I never knew a baby would be annoyed at milk letting down when she just wants to comfort suck. If this ever bothered my son, he never let on.
Like I said, I know there are times when pacifiers are necessary, but I still stand by my opinion that they're generally abused. I have seen babies who are exhibiting ever hunger cue known to man whose mom just continued to shove in the pacifier til the baby finally stopped crying. Plus most babies I see in the mall, pediatrician's office, etc. with a paci in their mouths look almost zombified. I don't know, they seem to impede on development when overused.
I have 4 kids. 2 have used pacifiers, 2 haven't.
My first child was bottlefed and never took a pacifier, ever.
My second child has mild CP, and using the pacifier helped increase her muscle tone so she could nurse effectively. Unfortunately we didn't learn this until she was almost a year old and had had feeding difficulties her entire life, because I was so anti-paci.
My next baby had one to keep her quiet in the car, and still has one at age 2. (I know. I hate toddlers with pacis too. But it's not worth the screaming to wean her off it right now.)
My fourth baby has never had a paci, never wanted one. He is 13 months. Lately he likes finding his sister's pacifier and chewing on it, but not actually using it.
My fifth baby was due a couple days ago. I did buy some little pacifiers in case it's another paci baby, but really I don't anticipate needing them.
Each baby and each relationship is different. I don't think there's anything wrong with pacifiers. I nursed my first pacifier baby until she was 3 years old, and her speech issues are due to her CP, not the pacifier, so obviously pacifiers don't always interfere with a breastfeeding relationship.
i was extremely anti-paci with my first son. i was exclusively nursing (and on demand) and it seemed counter-intuitive. then i realized i had a major comfort nurser. he wouldn't stay asleep unless there was a nipple in his mouth; he screamed in the car unless i leaned over and kept a boob in his mouth. at about 6 weeks old i introduced the paci and for a little while, it was a life saver. i was able to give it to him after he nursed to sleep, and he'd stay asleep until he was actually hungry again. he would also take it in the car instead of screaming the entire time. and if i had to leave him for a little while (with my husband or mother) they were able to give it to him if he needed it, until i got back from wherever i was to nurse him.
i agree that many people abuse the paci, but we used it in only those situations and it was really helpful. unfortunately, the little munchkin only took it for a couple of months before he was done permanently. thankfully by that time he'd stopped screaming on car rides. unfortunately. he still liked to comfort nurse in his sleep. i had a lot of long, sleepless nights with that kiddo. :D
I just wanted to comment about the article you link that found an association between pacifier use and speech "disorders". I'm a research speech pathologist, breast feeding mama and I do give my 16 month old a pacifier at bedtime if he wants it. And then, only until I go to bed too (we co-sleep).
I definitely agree that all-day pacifiers are bad news, but this article was really about any non-breast sucking. The really interesting thing was the link between bottle use before 9 months and speech problems. The only link between speech problems and pacifiers was for kids that used them for THREE YEARS or more-a far cry from how long many people use it. ANY finger sucking was a problem. To me, that says pacifiers may be better than fingers (though that's not the point of the article).
Anyway-just as with almost anything (except maybe breastmilk :P), moderation is key. To my mind as a therapist, letting your child run around with a pacifier all the time is a bad idea. You may be able to talk around whatever you're chewing on at dinner, but I call that An Advanced Communication Skill :D It's extra hard to talk around a pacifier. They're designed to make babies want to suck on them. I think select use of pacifiers is fine. My husband has to put my son down for his nap (stay at home dad!), and he just won't try male lactation!
My son sucked his fingers until around 6 months when he started being interested in the pacifier. We never really pushed it-it just floated around the house and car. Plus, he liked to *ahem* steal them from other kids. We just keep it out of reach/out of sight the rest of the time. He'll surprise us every now and then having found it in a new hiding spot, but he knows it's for 'sleepy time'.
I didn't feel like you were overly villifying the pacifier (until you asked that question!), but I do think the evidence that it's a super bad object is pretty scant. It's mostly how you choose to use it, like any tool. I definitely don't think it's a necessary part of baby-hood either! I don't think that my use of a pacifier makes me a worse or less receptive mother, and I don't think that pacifiers are the cause of that in mothers that may not be that receptive. Overuse of them may be a symptom of deeper problems.
All that said, the thoughts about moms being told not to be a pacifier resonate with me. I haven't been confronted with that particular gem, but I feel prepared now if I do!
My kids never needed one, so I don't 'get it'... and I always worry about kids sticking things in their mouth that isn't food - esp. as they get older and can smear the pacifier on things and then pop it back in their mouth! I hate to condemn a tool some find useful though.
We used to joke that the kids needed the 'momifier' - a good dose of all things 'mom', to make a baby happy.
I am not particularly keen on pacifiers, but a friend of mine has milk coming out our her ears, and every time the baby sucks for comfort, he gets too much milk then pukes it all back up. Mom ends up making too much milk. I suggested she try breastfeeding, when he cries, but if baby resists because he isn't hungry (by coming off the breast constantly) then she should use the pacifier. And it is working a treat. He is now 8 weeks old baby has put on just over 6 pounds since birth - so he's not starving! (birth weight 7lb4oz, now 13lb6oz)
Sarah, thanks for the comment. Yes, the article did state that using a pacifier past age 3 was the major cause of speech problems as well as any non-breast sucking, but I see a LOT of kids that age still using a pacifier where I live. Maybe it's a regional thing or I just notice it more because it bothers me. But as you stated, if a kid is walking around with a paci in her mouth all day, how does she learn to talk? How does she express herself? I have just seen too many babies who always have the paci in their mouths and they don't seem to laugh, smile or say anything because their mouths are plugged up. The look of sheer terror on a mom's face who has lost the paci is enough for me to stay away! :)
great post. I love the phrase "liquid love." Do I sense a new t-shirt craze?
We don't use a pacifier, but my daughter does suck on her fingers sometimes. Not really a thumb sucking comfort thing, just kind of sticking her fingers in her mouth and chewing and sucking on them. Don't all kids do that? I'm guessing the study is talking more about when kids who regularly suck on their thumb for comfort?
My son (6 months) likes to use a paci on occasion and I breastfeed him on demand. I think he likes it for when he doesn't want milk. He also likes using one in the car where it would be impossible for me to provide him my breast.
Also, I have to admit that I like to use it when I want to give my older son (2.5) my undivided attention.
My first son would not take one at all so I think I like that I have the option with the second one.
I came over to your post all ready to put that quote from Paula in the comments and was so glad to see that you had it already. Paula is a wonderful and wise woman and I credit her and two other women (Kelly from kellymom.com and Carol from Lactivist Leanings) for helping me to get my son to nurse. I truly owe our nursing relationship to those three women and the personal assistance and encouragement that they provided to me.
All that to say....Paula's quote is wonderful. So glad you used it in your wonderful post!
I think it all depends on the child. They're all so different. I gave my 1st a pacifier from day one, I was young and didn't even give it a thought. I gave up nursing after about 6 weeks too. With my 2nd I had learned a lot and was determined to give my nursing my all. I had heard the term 'nipple confusion' so I decided to hold off on the paci for a while. My son liked to suck for comfort so I used my pinkey. When I finally tried to introduce the paci he didn't want it. So I've had one who loved it and one who could have cared less.
I find your choice of quotes interesting. It's inspiring but I think it can be interpreted the other direction too, saying "you're everything to your child but you're not a pacifier so don't use your body as one". I choose to interpret it your way :)
Lactatinggirl, I am sure the frequency of sucking and length of time (like, months vs. 3 years) would make a difference. Maybe my son's need to suck just wasn't that intense because the only time he ever put his hands in his mouth was if he was hungry and I didn't get him latched on in time. He never sucked on anything for comfort. When he first started at daycare, around 9 months old, I was dropping him off to daycare when one of the other kids put a pacifier in my son's mouth. He made the most disgusted face and pulled it out and threw it across the room. You'd think he would've been more curious, but he just seemed thoroughly grossed out.
Cheryl, you're totally right, the quote could be interpreted that way, but I don't think that was Paula's intent. It honestly never even crossed my mind. I like our interpretation better :)
"You are not a pacifier!" I love that, but will *shamefully* admit that I've grown to feel like one. I've been tweeting w/ you about my bfeeding woes and how my DS will not sleep unless he's latched on. I'm sure you get LOTS of these types of tweets, so I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember me.
I have two DS and neither took to pacifiers. With my first DS we tried him on a pacifier straight from the hospital b/c we didn't know any better. He outright rejected it. With my second DS we tried a paci with him about 6 wks after birth because he didn't take to the breast very well in the beginning. It's strange to think on that now, since he loves to bfeed now. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I really wish my second DS had taken to a paci. AFter 22 long months of feeling (although I know I'm not one) like a pacifier I need a break. I need sleep. HE needs sleep. I feel guilty b/c I consider myself an AP Mama and this is so anti-AP to want to wean him. But for my own sanity something has got to give.
I totally understand that feeling of not wanting to do something that's against your beliefs, but feeling at your wit's end. My son started sleeping through the night at 10 months (although he does continue to wake up in the middle of the night from time to time) so I can't imagine STILL pulling all-night nursing duty. I think sometimes you have to give yourself permission to take some time back for yourself if what you're doing no longer works for you and your family. I hope if anyone else stumbles across this post they'll consider Dr. Jay Gordon's gentle night weaning sugggestions http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
and Elizabeth Pantley's gentle removal plan http://books.google.com/books?id=dkKi6t308iMC&pg=PA126&lpg=PA126&dq=elizabeth+pantley+gentle+removal&source=bl&ots=5nBpW5ZsV_&sig=kRIwkzszqs5KiBeaO6xrXViIGLs&hl=en&ei=Fi_rSrWDNYm1tgfr8JAx&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CA8Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=elizabeth%20pantley%20gentle%20removal&f=false .
I really love this article, and the quote. Jenny from Babyfingers pointed me here.
I know some pacifier users are getting (understandably) defensive about their choice, but I took your article to be reassuring to moms whose children nurse all.the.time not to feel demeaned by those voices who tell us to put the babies down, to keep our bodies to ourselves, and so on.
I had both my mother & mother-in-law telling me to give in and use a pacifier. They seriously would not stop talking about it. My mom used to coat the pacifiers with maple syrup to get her babies to keep one in their mouths. Not using a paci was kind of my way of standing up to them and for showing my dedication to breastfeeding, you know? We actually did have a couple around that were baby shower gifts. I had mixed feelings about even having them here, but Mikko picked one up when he was several months old, chewed on it both upside down and backwards, and then abandoned it. I also have seen the very hungry babies whose parents do everything -- bounce, rock, hush, pacifier -- except feed, so I think it's wise to use them selectively.
But most of all, I totally agree that a mother is not a pacifier. Breasts were meant for sucking, and it's totally normal to use them for that. Thanks for the post!
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