tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post4773379247436359608..comments2023-09-09T11:07:31.879-04:00Comments on Blacktating: The Social NetworkElitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01294923997458681675noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-90540871611075864442012-01-11T08:02:13.748-05:002012-01-11T08:02:13.748-05:00It comes down to knowing what's right for me a...It comes down to knowing what's right for me and seeking out communities that support my decisions. That's how I found your site. I took a breastfeeding class today through WIC and was excited about it. Every one of my friends bottle fed and had nothing but negative things to say about breastfeeding. But they admitted that they didn't take the time before hand to educate themselves on the subject either. I empathize with them but I always knew what my choice would be and my determination to do what's best for my child is only fueled by proving them wrong. I came here for positivity and support for my decision and it's everything I hoped it would be. Thank 'you!Shahidahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-51590677864872016692011-07-27T08:00:09.222-04:002011-07-27T08:00:09.222-04:00I was surprised by this article because I get the ...I was surprised by this article because I get the impression that talking about formula-feeding is taboo. Before I had a baby all I had heard was how wonderful and natural breastfeeding was and it turned out to be the opposite for me and I was unprepared and assumed the hell I was going through was abnormal. I was much better equiped to handle my second baby knowing that problems arise, some can't be overcome, it isn't instinctive, get help, etc. But knowing all this and having had a bitter first experience did not stop me from trying and I did manage more breastfeeding (pumping actually) the second time around. betterworld4momsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-31546672132692935422011-05-28T09:59:10.792-04:002011-05-28T09:59:10.792-04:00I am one of the few in both my birthing class grou...I am one of the few in both my birthing class group and my new new group of mama friends who had the birth and BFing experience I had planned, so I definitely have a hard time talking about it with some of my friends. When I do, though, I put it in terms of, "We do what we can, but often times babies (and other things out of our control) have different plans." I had an all-natural child birth with a midwife, and that is what I advocate for mothers with no complications, but I follow that up with, everyone wants to do what they believe is best for their baby, and I can't tell you what that is for you. It really is tricky ground to navigate.<br /><br />In my group BFing was pretty normal, but baby-led weaning was not, so I found myself in a similar situation to those who BF in a community where it is not common. I was the only one doing it for a while, and told my friends (some of whom definitely thought I was crazy) why I was doing it, and basically just let my baby's eating speak for itself. Most friends who saw her were very impressed, but still too scared to try it themselves. I did influence a few friends to try it, and they loved it as well, so I was a bit less alone in my endeavor. One friend said looking back she should have tried BLW. I also wrote an article about my experience for our group's newsletter, and I know that it did encourage one of the readers to do BLW. Yay! I think the best thing we can do for whatever causes we advocate is to promote it by example, with maybe a bit of explanation, focussing on why we think it is right for US. If others then think it is right for them, they will most likely try it.Arwen56noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-68625807399376755562011-05-28T09:40:54.952-04:002011-05-28T09:40:54.952-04:00It has definitely been a great experience for me a...It has definitely been a great experience for me as well, and I do kind of feel guilty when I'm around moms who had a harder time. Most of them still persevered, but ended up having to supplement with formula. They still enjoyed the BFing they were able to do, so no, I don't think we're as big a minority as the media would like us to think.Arwen56noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-21916946531166374642011-05-28T09:37:46.741-04:002011-05-28T09:37:46.741-04:00Thankfully I am in a group of mamas, the majority ...Thankfully I am in a group of mamas, the majority of whom BF. I was BFing before I met them, and luckily had no problems, but it was definitely reassuring to have such a supportive group, especially when we were all BFing in public. It's sad to think that such an amazing experience is demonized. My little one is 17 months and we're still enjoying our BF time twice a day. I know mother's who bottle feed still bond with their babies, but there is definitely something different with the BFing bond.Arwen56noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-12066572968678147972011-03-26T18:17:54.956-04:002011-03-26T18:17:54.956-04:00I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit that t...I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit that they told her she can't work at WIC because she is white. I know MANY white women who have been WIC Peer Counselors. I applied to become a WIC PC but was told I couldn't because I am not on WIC and never have been. Although I was upset because I thought this was the best way for me to be able to support WOC (as opposed to say, becoming a LLL Leader) I understood. The point is that you are supposed to be this woman's peer and if I make 10 times your salary, live in an upscale gated community, drive a brand new luxury car, have lots of disposable income, etc. I am not a peer to a woman who qualifies for public assistance. In her comment she says that she was told they prefer bilingual WOC, not that they only hire bilingual WOC. I'm guessing she's not a WIC mom, first and foremost. It's not a volunteer position (at least not in my area, it's part-time and doesn't pay much at all, but it is paid) so it would be really, really stupid of them to tell her they can't hire her because of her race. But I don't believe that's what was said.Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-19881516172068669442011-03-26T12:34:26.973-04:002011-03-26T12:34:26.973-04:00I have been having a conversation with a white wom...I have been having a conversation with a white woman online who was turned down after applying to be a WIC peer counselor b/c she is white. Here is the link to the convo. Do you have any advise? <br /><br />http://www.facebook.com/TheLeakyBoob/posts/182549868449655?notif_t=likeNia Fehttp://twitter.com/flatnipplesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-11878998077253366612011-03-25T22:25:42.471-04:002011-03-25T22:25:42.471-04:00I was actually the only mom among my son's fri...I was actually the only mom among my son's friends who breast fed for longer than 3 months. Most didn't breast feed at all. Yet my son and I nursed for 18 months. However, there was a second wave of babies in our neighborhood about 1 -1.5 years after my son was born, and those moms all wanted to breast feed. Knowing that I was the only one who breast fed, I quickly became the mom they would come to for questions or support. I'd like to think that I may have helped some of them reach their breast feeding goals...Saranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-78258290722348602132011-03-25T16:54:48.054-04:002011-03-25T16:54:48.054-04:00Wonderful post. I have also noticed the chorus of...Wonderful post. I have also noticed the chorus of negative comments on breastfeeding posts and articles. I have a public relations, economics, and business background. It has crossed my mind that perhaps there are people paid to search for such articles and sing the negative tune. My sense is that their pain is real and that their stories are valid. It is true that women are sabotaged every day from being able to breastfeed successfully. Imagine if companies that sell a competitor of breast milk found women who are sad and mad about their breastfeeding situation and paid those people to tell their story again and again and again. I hope that this isn't the case, but the chorus is so loud that it makes me wonder. Most people don't have the time or the energy to post negative comments all day so maybe someone is giving them an incentive to do it. <br /><br />I love what Best For Babes (http://www.bestforbabes.org) is doing to change the narrative around breastfeeding. Mothers are not to blame. There should not be pressure on moms. The problem with breastfeeding in America is not the moms - it is our culture that does not support breastfeeding. If every women in America breastfed for as long as she wanted, out breastfeeding rates would be much higher. The problem is that the majority of moms stop breastfeeding before they want to stop. The Surgeon General understands this, and that is why she launched a call to action to support breastfeeding. I wish the major parenting sites would stop taking advertisements from the competitors of breastfeeding and team up with the U.S. Surgeon General, Best for Babes, Kelly Mom, MakingMoreMilk.com or one of the other many groups that is working hard to help women reach their breastfeeding goals (whatever they may be).Guestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-83706209582387442862011-03-24T00:10:45.371-04:002011-03-24T00:10:45.371-04:00Right on! I am always afraid to talk about how aw...Right on! I am always afraid to talk about how awesome breastfeeding is because I don't want to make others feel bad, but geesh... it's like living in a universe where every day is opposite day.Samnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-39845572677119673322011-03-23T13:14:01.461-04:002011-03-23T13:14:01.461-04:00I agree 100%, and I recognize that most of the tim...I agree 100%, and I recognize that most of the time, I do this, too. I have friends who are pregnant and they seem to come to me with questions about nursing a lot. Most of the time, I am the only mom they know (at least the only near their age) who nursed sucessfully. And even when I explain something or give a piece of advice, I find myself qualifying it and more or less saying "Yes, breast is best but it's really okay if you can't/don't/won't nurse" and in my heart, I don't believe that. In fact, I actually am one of those women who strongly does NOT believe that we should all have the "right" to choose formula and forgo breastfeeding entirely. I think we should all be if not required then encouraged strongly to at least give it a go for 6 weeks - it takes at least that long to figure things out and get past the early hurdles. I believe a woman who nurses for 6 weeks can nurse for a year or even longer. But I never say that.Jennifernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-3846151604561742432011-03-22T17:26:19.168-04:002011-03-22T17:26:19.168-04:00Well, I think my actions as a breastfeeding mom of...Well, I think my actions as a breastfeeding mom of three is the best promotion for those around me who are considering breastfeeding. I breastfed my 7 yr old for six months, my 4 yr old for one year and now I am breastfeeding my 7 mth old. Though I have a lot going on, I believed in the value of breastfeeding so much that I'm willing to make the commitment and sacrifice. My friends and others see this. That's how I hope to show how great breastfeeding is.Robertanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-70879478031508422372011-03-22T16:37:43.313-04:002011-03-22T16:37:43.313-04:00I have wondered why there is so much negativity as...I have wondered why there is so much negativity as well. As a social worker and maternal-child nurse I have witnessed this since I began practicing in the 70's ....that is just too long. The facts have been in for a long time concerning the worthiness of breastfeeding. There are always going to be those that have a difficult time...in fact in my practice many women experience difficulty and cannot get the support they need from family as well as professionals. <br />I believe that breastfeeding education just like labor and delivery preparation needs to begin early so that moms have a network already set-up if and when they experience difficulty. Breastfeeding is not always easy and when you see a mom doing it in public comfortably chances are she experienced her own issues initially.<br />Thank you for your discussion on this issue.llavinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-6942585733354643772011-03-22T13:56:38.874-04:002011-03-22T13:56:38.874-04:00The similarities (and important differences) you d...The similarities (and important differences) you draw between breastfeeding and birth are so spot-on. And you're right--there is a risk of sounding superior/holier-than-thou/preachy when any person tries to talk about a positive birth or breastfeeding experience. (FWIW, if I've ever sounded superior, I deserve to be smacked upside the head!)<br /><br />One thing that I think helps is to frame positive experiences not in the "I did it, and so can/should you!" light but in the "ALL women *deserve* a positive experience with birth and baby-feeding" light. All women deserve good breastfeeding support. All women deserve accurate and empowering information about infant feeding choices. And all women deserve a CHANCE at having a joyful breastfeeding relationship.<br /><br />(This whole narrative is one of the many reasons that I love Best for Babes.)Kristenhttp://www.birthingbeautifulideas.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-36450188892006186842011-03-22T10:54:31.242-04:002011-03-22T10:54:31.242-04:00I like your last paragraph, stating that women sho...I like your last paragraph, stating that women should breastfeed "as long as they want to". If I try to talk to a girl about nursing even to a year, some of them will look at me like I'm some kind of hippy-nut. So my standard line is "We at WIC want to you be able to breastfeed until you and the baby are ready to stop." This gives mom the power and keeps us from appearing too pushy. Moms don't want to be told what to do. They want to be given information and support.JeneeLynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-49565004570722791122011-03-22T10:46:16.467-04:002011-03-22T10:46:16.467-04:00Great article, Elita. As one of those WIC Breastf...Great article, Elita. As one of those WIC Breastfeeding Peer Counselors you mentioned, I have seen peer influence in action, both in negative and positive ways. The great majority of moms I counsel have zero experience with breastfeeding. Meaning they have no one in their 'social network' who has breastfed successfully and probably have never seen it done except in a dark corner under some sort of shroud. They have a vague notion that "breast is best" but no idea how to actually go about nursing. My first job is to be likeable, approachable and if possible, funny. They aren't going to listen to a lecture on why they should breastfeed, but they will listen to stories of how I didn't know what the heck I was doing with my first baby and how that made nursing difficult initially. And then how I got the knack of it and it became normal and natural. And finally how, with my third baby, I so grateful for the convenience 0f feeding my baby without the hassels of bottles and formula. So rates of breastfeeding for our clients have gone up 15% since I began. And the best part is that now more of the girls I meet have seen breastfeeding. They've seen their friends, who are my WIC clients, and believe that they can do it too.JeneeLynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-45025281755928463292011-03-22T09:09:53.606-04:002011-03-22T09:09:53.606-04:00Thank you for this. It is so hard to get a positiv...Thank you for this. It is so hard to get a positive message across without being labelled as sanctimonious. This post is fantastic and will hopefully encourage lots of women to give it a try.<br /><br />I always knew I wanted to. I also knew it might not be easy (thanks mainly to horror stories and articles like that one on Yahoo). We had a wonderful time for 14 months before she decided she had had enough and I am so proud to have given her the absolute best start in life.<br /><br />It doesn't have to be doom and gloom (although that's certainly what I was expecting) but with no support network and no actual experience with breastfeeding or breastfeeding women that's what I was expecting (thanks to my formula-centric community).<br /><br />I am now doing my best to support those friends of mine who have chosen to breastfeed and spreading the word as and when I can if they ask me. It's hard to do it without being labelled preachy. Funny how noone ever refers to a formula-feeding mum raving about the upside of her feeding method as preachy/sanctimonious. We must all listen lest we offend...Helenhttp://life-of-h.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-85604960535350813372011-03-22T08:58:38.800-04:002011-03-22T08:58:38.800-04:00Well this is great coming from you! Thanks!Well this is great coming from you! Thanks!Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-35325415509118443022011-03-22T08:58:26.295-04:002011-03-22T08:58:26.295-04:00Yes, my breastfeeding relationship was very simila...Yes, my breastfeeding relationship was very similar. Rough start, then total joy, then days I wanted to be done. But sharing your story shouldn't make other women feel criticized. And why is it OK to share the horror stories but not the good ones? If I am a woman outside of a breastfeeding network and all I hear is that you are supposed to breastfeed but it's really hard and most people don't make it very long, how will that influence my decision making?Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-12119058084687393282011-03-22T08:54:16.476-04:002011-03-22T08:54:16.476-04:00When you get a minute, you should read the whole a...When you get a minute, you should read the whole article (I linked to it above). Not all of the Brain, Child articles are available online but this one is. Even though this field is still in its infancy, it is really fascinating!<br /><br />I totally think that more promoting the joys of breastfeeding would help change more minds. However, I find time and again that this perspective is quickly shut down. It's the same thing with birth. When a woman has a wonderful, empowering birth she doesn't feel she can talk about it because so many women end up with terrible births, surgical births they didn't want. So how do you go around telling everyone how wonderful your unmedicated water birth was without them thinking you feel you are superior? That feeling is magnified I think when it comes to breastfeeding. Although birth is huge, it is a day or two in your life, where breast or bottle is what you do for a baby for a year, minimum.Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-78307313156512009352011-03-22T08:49:54.470-04:002011-03-22T08:49:54.470-04:00This is a really excellent comment and yes, I tota...This is a really excellent comment and yes, I totally agree with you that these mainstream parenting sites have an agenda. They are almost all sponsored by formula companies so for them, it is a bottom line issue. And no, none of us are offering support to moms in order to feel smug. We want moms to succeed and we want breastfeeding to be the norm because it benefits all of us.Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-48694376826898832222011-03-22T08:46:55.341-04:002011-03-22T08:46:55.341-04:00I'm getting a first-hand experience of all of ...I'm getting a first-hand experience of all of this right now. We recently moved across the country. In our old city I knew lots of moms, all of them breastfed, many out in the open, anywhere, and I never felt anything but confidence doing the same. <br /><br />Now I'm somewhere where I know only 2 mothers. One covers, the other leaves the room or brings a bottle. I've had no bad reactions to my uncovered public nursing, but just the fact that I'm the only one and that the other moms do it differently suddenly makes me more nervous about it. <br /><br />It's nuts how easily swayed even I am, and I'm what people would probably label 'militant'.KrissyFairnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-72214775946343834082011-03-22T08:46:04.263-04:002011-03-22T08:46:04.263-04:00I think, though, that if you are a mom who is form...I think, though, that if you are a mom who is formula feeding, who tried to breastfeed and feel guilty or angry, that no matter what I say, you will think I am smug or militant. And that's really not fair. Yes there are definitely activists who are obnoxious (and that is not exclusive to breastfeeding) but I think the majority of us really want to offer support and knowledge so women can have an easier time and be successful. But if we're too scared to speak up, we can't make a difference.Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-56967857490885238172011-03-22T08:41:05.399-04:002011-03-22T08:41:05.399-04:00It's really amazing how the influence spreads....It's really amazing how the influence spreads. I have many friends who are nowhere near having kids and yet they tell me they plan to breastfeed. And sometimes they email me and say, "My friend just had a baby and has sore nipples, what should she do?" and I wonder if that friend is breastfeeding in part because of my influence.Elita @ Blacktatinghttp://www.blacktating.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3536683374417960813.post-52422511956477507032011-03-22T02:50:33.958-04:002011-03-22T02:50:33.958-04:00All I have to add is my standing ovation. Brava, a...All I have to add is my standing ovation. Brava, amen, testify. This is incisive and spot-on.Dou-la-lahttp://dou-la-la.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com